by Carolyn Thomas.
This empowering read encourages mothers to jettison the guilt and self-sacrifice so often associated with modern parenting and to put their own mental and physical welfare needs front and centre. As author Poppy O’Neill puts it, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’ – meaning that no one can have the energy to care for others if they are not taking care of themselves.
Wide-ranging and relatable, the book acts as therapist and supportive friend as it acknowledges the many challenges of motherhood – so often a physical and emotional rollercoaster – while making an authoritative and persuasive argument for a re-think. It’s filled with practical tips, reassurance, and links to further reading and resources.
All the information comes in a very accessible format of ten colourful chapters covering everything from boundaries, to delegation, to self-care and looking after emotions. Its magazine style layout makes it suitable for a quick dip or a cover-to-cover dive of a read.
Poppy, who has written several successful child-centred parenting books including 101 Tips to Help Your Anxious Child and Help Your Child Make Friends, came up with the idea for a feminist-focussed guide to motherhood during the Covid lockdowns. ‘As all the external support structures I had relied on fell away, it crystalised my idea that as mothers we often hold up our own families to our personal detriment,’ she told In Common. ‘We face a cocktail of challenges, personal and societal. It’s hard.
‘Taking a feminist perspective on motherhood means reframing our own needs and wants, rather than leaving ourselves at the bottom of the pile.’
Acknowledging that there are many ways to be a mother, from the traditional ‘2.4 kids’ family set up, to single or same sex parenting, Poppy’s practical approach aims to give women more patience and a chance to think more creatively about ‘mothering’. She also challenges any ideas of what a ‘good mother’ is supposed to be.
‘To continue the “cup” metaphor, there’s also the idea of carrying a hot cup of coffee around with you all the time, where you go around every day so full of stress that it doesn’t take much to push you over the edge,’ she says. ‘Yet if mothers take care of themselves they will benefit not just themselves but their whole family.’
While her advice is not too prescriptive, the book includes plenty of positive ideas, tips and ‘lightbulb’ moments, for example her reminder that having a messy house doesn’t make you a bad person!.
‘We deserve to take care of ourselves, but it can be hard to sell this idea to other people,’ she acknowledges. ‘There’s often a thought that it takes money to go and have a treat like a massage, but in fact you don’t need to do anything expensive or think on a grand scale. It can be as simple as having time to take a drink outside or just a having a moment to pause.
‘And if you struggle with guilt about that then just remember that to take care of ourselves is to take care of the people who are most important to us – our children’.
- Mother Power by Poppy O’Neill is published by Vie Books, rrp £10.99, and is available from October Books in Portswood, Southampton,and other good book shops.
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