In celebration of Transgender Day of Visibility

Today is Transgender Day of Visibility. Here, two transgender women, Nic Beck and Mabel Wellman, share why the day is so important.

 

by Nic Beck.

Today (March 31) is Transgender Day of Visibility, a day where we celebrate all people who identify under the trans umbrella. A day where we remind everyone that trans and non-binary people exist in all colours, shapes, abilities, sizes, and ages. A day where we remember that all of them are humans, and all deserve to be treated with the same care and respect we should show to any of our fellow folks.

Today is also a chance to break down barriers for others who may be gender questioning, or would be if only they had the language to describe the discomfort that they feel. It’s a day to let them hear, and maybe identify with, stories of people just like them, who have found comfort through transition.

In the process of coming out to myself and working with my psychiatrist towards a gender dysphoria diagnosis, it became very obvious to me that there had been plenty of missed opportunities throughout my life to understand that I was transgender. I had missed these due to a lack of information about trans people who, like me, had not felt clear that they were “in the wrong body” from an early age.

It wasn’t until, aged 50, I stumbled across a website full of stories from trans people with a range of very different experiences, that I discovered one particular story with which I felt an immediate and very strong identification. That story enabled me to finally put a name to the difficulties and discomforts that I had felt since my adolescence nearly forty years earlier.

That’s forty years of struggle. Never fitting in, but never knowing why. Forty years thinking that I was odd, or weird. Forty years of feeling ashamed and desperately trying to fit into a male role that my brain was never able to align with. Forty years of mental torment.

And even when I finally knew and was able to start my transition (privately, using thousands of pounds of my own money to bridge the horrendous shortfall in trans healthcare services), even then things were so hard.

Fear of public ridicule from the uneducated, attacks from high profile transphobes with massive platforms, the hostility of the media, including outlets considered left-wing, all contribute to a toxic atmosphere for trans and non-binary people. Even the actions of our government itself; in shelving GRC reform in England and then blocking Scotland’s well considered reforms, have combined to make the live of trans and non-binary people in the UK an absolute nightmare.

My private life has not been untouched either. I’ve lost friends, been ostracised by my family and felt desperately hopeless that I’d ever find a partner with whom to share my life. The world of Tinder et al is not full of folks looking for 50+ year old trans bisexual women and is a thoroughly disheartening experience for a freshly minted trans person.

But amazingly time spent looking around for groups of people like me, has paid dividends. After a fairly chance meeting at a local service for the Transgender Day of Remembrance, and the small open mike spoken word event afterwards at the Art House, Southampton, I became entangled with Jani. They are also trans (non binary in their case) and also fairly late to come to this realisation. It’s been pretty amazing to meet, befriend and then fall in love with, someone who understands the challenges that I face in my day to day life. It also incredibly validating to find someone who likes me for all of who I really am.

And this too is one of the stories we need to tell on this day of Transgender Visibility.

So here’s my message for anyone facing the same challenges that I have and do. It is possible to transition happily at any age, and that happiness can include finding a special someone with whom to share your life, a person who will love and care for you just as you are.

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility to one and all!

I am a 54 year old transgender woman writer, poet and performer as well as a volunteer in the Art House kitchen. Occasionally I also pay attention to my own business sailing charters on my replica 19th Century Pilot Cutter, Amelie Rose.

 

 

by Mabel Wellman.

Transgender Day of Visibility is an important opportunity for me as a trans woman.

Each year I have a sense of hope that people will be more understanding of transgender issues and terminology; there is the hope that every discussion on trans issues won’t begin with a definition of basic terms or a cisgender person won’t question what that word (cisgender) means.

This year, I am organising a Clothes Swap on the Saturday following TDoV which is the first of April. This will be a fundraising event to help put on the second ever Transgender Pride Southampton later in the year (read about last year’s event here). I think this Clothes Swap will help make a difference with trans people in Southampton, by helping to get new clothes (and donate old ones) to better represent one’s gender identity.

I said it last year and I think it is still relevant this year: trans people are authors, scientists, musicians, actors, doctors, and most importantly our friends and family. Our contributions are as real as our identities.

Mabel Wellman is chairwoman of People’s Pride Southampton.